This might turn out to be a small chapter as i didn't really do much. I was a small quiet lad, in a big loud school. I came from a school of about 100 people to about 1,400 pupils and again i was one of the smallest and youngest. i didnt smoke or drink, or take drugs so i wasn't in their crew, i didn't steal so i wern't in that one but the main thing was that i was from the 'jock'. and bedworth and the jock was in constant war with each other....
many times we made the front page for being in 'gang welfare' and it wasn't nice because now i had to go to school with them at nicholas chamberlaine! i wanted to go where my friends were at ashgreen, but my mum had moved house and the ashgreen school was too far away.
this got me off to a bad start, being in small fights or being bullyed by the older lads which was hard at times. not really talking to any one was a routine in my average day. as time went by i started to stand up for myself a little more and began to 'lose it' in little scraps. the thing was that when someone trys to bully you, all they want is a reaction and i could never give that as like before, i had been hit by a bigger and harder man than them so i was used to it and it never bothered me but i would bottle it up so WHEN i did explode i would blank out and just do things that wern't normal for a school boy to do...
the main events that i remember is once when some kid had started on me and i didn't retaliate so he kept on hitting, till i turned round and punched him in the throut and tried choking him.
that got me a detention and a letter home.
then once a lad tryed winding me up in technology by throwing small bits of wood at me, bout the size of a dice. Till i picked up the biggest block of wood i could find and smashed him over the head with it.... that got me susspended.
then there was a lad who (as i smoked by this time) tried to steal my fags and kept punching me till i gave in and gave them to him, but in the end as a final resort i put his head through a classroom window in the maths corridor and split his face in half . I was lucky not to get kicked out for that..
the thing was, that i had a lot of anger inside me which i didn't show but i was kind, and people take kindness as a weakness and didn't realise that the people around me were on 'thin ice'.
i still wasn't classed as hard(and i didn't want to be) but people would treat me differently. i was always honest though, and i kept my word. it reminds me as when a couple of lads in sixth form, ie: the oldest in the school were kicking the football at me when i was having a smoke round the back of the sports hall , so i turned round and said,
''if you do that again then i'l pop it''
so they laughed and kicked it at me, so i grabed the ball and took my compass from my pencil case and popped the fucking ball, then put it in the bin and walked off...
going back to my anger isuse's, i had questions i wanted to ask my dad about my past but i couldnt, as he died of heart desease in 1992(when i was just 12years old) an this is what channeled my anger in some degree because thats when i fell apart. but to add to that i had a new stepdad that even though he never touched my mum, he used to beat on me and he was bigger than my real father..(his storys will follow)
through out secondary school i just kept on getting into more trouble and i just couldn't wait to leave. i was out of control, swearing at teachers, smashing windows, throwing tables and chairs during lesson because i found questions hard to answer. you name it ? i had done it. but when the besst day of my life came, (the last day of school) i was nowhere to be seen...
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